ERYSICHTHON OF THESSALY (any race, late 40s)
CW: lots of hunger/eating talk and mentions of tracking food (no calories/weight talk)
Images in my mind:
a floating head telling the story of what happened to its body OR
a group of actors make up the whole of a person who begins to eat themselves OR
just a guy, just a fella, chatting, this is so normal, just so totally normal, and eating his own hand is the culmination of the Absolute Normality of this dude
My mother once told me I have two basic traits:
I’m always hungry
I only want what I can’t have
Is it any surprise I would end like this? I was cursed from the very beginning. I have been given every luxury known to humankind, and none of it has ever been enough.
My nutritionist, who is also my therapist, who is also my god, told me to start notating everything I eat so I can tell which foods make me hungrier, make me feel worse, which foods I’m allergic to…
Monday breakfast: eggs toast bacon sausage hash browns steak waffles fruit
I’m still hungry, I don’t feel worse, I haven’t had an allergic reaction
Monday lunch: chicken onion bell peppers red cabbage carrots in a peanut sauce
Still hungry, don’t feel worse, but, actually it’s a little hard to breathe and I’m itchy, so itchy
Monday dinner: now all I want is peanuts, peanut crusted chicken, peanut sauce, peanut butter, peanut butter cookies, peanut butter chocolate pie, chocolate covered peanuts
My therapist who is also my nutritionist who is also my god told me to stop focusing on what I can’t have and start focusing on what I do have. My chef hates cooking with peanuts now.
Former chef. I don’t have chefs anymore.
I have paid a ransom, everything I own for bites of inaccessible, exclusive delicacies. I am passionate and dedicated to consumption, what would you sell your mother for? Your daughter?
But when food crosses my lips it also crosses the border between what I can’t have but want and what I can have but don’t want. I am unsatisfied.
I’m getting to the end of this food journal.
I’ll have to get a new one soon.
Do you think I should start writing down each type of meat I eat? Like light or dark, wing, thigh, breast? Or is just chicken, beef, human okay?
I never thought about it with other meats, I usually just write the animal, sides, and seasoning but… there’s enough of me. I could probably write a book of recipes for each appendage… right?